Pulling Off the Tape: Why I No Longer Accept Reviews

On June 1st I wrote the following on my Twitter:

 

"If you think reviews are a better way to get to know me than my site, blog, and Twitter, you aren't really interested in getting to know me."

 

As of this posting, the tweet has been liked by 80 people and retweeted 21 times. Clients and providers responded with comments such as "Reviews are the opinions of others. A site, blog, and Twitter are where a lady's personality shine through and reel me in." and "My reviews are same old same old. At least my website, blog, twitter feed offer a personalized way to get to know me." Clearly the sentiment I expressed is felt deeper in the community than 140 characters would suggest. 

 

I have just delisted myself from The Erotic Review, and am no longer accepting reviews of any kind. This decision was a long time coming and deeply personal. First of all, the concept of reviews makes me uncomfortable. I'm a pretty private person, especially when it comes to details of my intimate life. I imagine many of you are as well. My work is about connection and fostering relationships, and the manner and extent to which those connections are broadcast in the review system distorts meaningful private interaction into erotica for public consumption. If you wrote a Yelp review for your therapist, would you want to disclose the intimate details of your sessions with the Internet? Many of my wonderful clients share this view (it's their experience being publizced too) and I have no doubt anyone who feels a desire to meet me will be deterred by my position, even if they normally write reviews themselves. 

 

Another reason I have made this policy is so I can speak more freely. Frankly I was feeling increasingly stifled by the dynamics of review culture and found myself participating less often on the discussion boards. I am an opinionated person and have always enjoyed sharing my opinions unequivocally with others to help facilitate disscussion and debate. Yet, I felt that TER was not a place where my opinion was welcome if one of dissent, and so got in the habit of only saying things I deemed would not be considered "controversial." Though onsensibly a place for discussion and ergo conflicting viewpoints, I find TER more of an echo chamber. There is a whole other side to the conversion and I look forward to contributing to it in ways I hope will be helpful and productive for the escort community. 

 

Love to all,

Ava

The True Reason for Screening

Screening: the most important part of the pre-date process, and an oft discussed topic. However I don't see much discussion on a certain aspect of screening, and would thus like to touch upon it today. Most people seem to think screening is to verify two things:

 

1. You aren't a cop

2. You aren't an axe murder/time waster/blacklisted

 

And yes, ascertaining you aren't a legal or physical threat is critically important, but most people who contact me that do not pass screening do not fall into either of the above categories. Why do they not get a date? Allow me to introduce Reason Three:

 

3. You aren't going to push my boundaries. 

 

This is the chief reason for screening, and the reason most would be clients do not get dates. A lady's process, whatever it might be, is chiefly designed to determine if you will respect her person and boundaries in an intimate setting. This is why I ask all first time friends to show me legal identification when meeting: yes I want to know you are you you say you are, but I also want to know you care enough about making me feel comfortable and safe to comply with the process I have determined makes me feel that way. If you are unwilling or reluctant to show me something you have to show to buy alcohol why in the world should I trust you with something as precious as my body? I understand discretion/fear of angry SOs/fear of professional reputation but guess what trumps all that? My life. You know what outranks the oft quoted most dangerous job in America of fisherman? Hooker. Number 2 doesn't not weed out everyone who would do me harm, simply not having been to jail is not enough. The thing is, no matter how thorough a screening process is, consenting to be alone in an intimate setting with a stranger is a high risk endeavor. The wonderful people who see me understand this implicitly and from the first email, make my comfort their priority. If you remember anything about screening, let it be this: it's about making her feel safe and respected, and if you are uncomfortable with any part of her process she is likely going to be uncomfortable seeing you. Whatever doubts you have about the risks to you, you should deal with and set them aside before contacting her. If you cannot work through them then professional companionship is not for you, do not ask a lady to "bend" her requirements for you. You are not an exception and no amount of money is worth my life. I hope this post helps those new to companionship and sheds light on the importance of and reasons for screening.

 

Warmly,

Ava

In Praise of the Dinner Date

I make no secret of the fact that I adore extended dates. In my experience, the longer the date, the more datelike it feels. Today I want to highlight my love for the dinner date and why I think it's the perfect choice for your first time with a lady, especially if you have never had a companion date before.

The beauty of the dinner date (say 4-6 hours) lies in its holistic nature. By including a meal you are including conversation and often the chance to interact with your date in a public setting. I have had lovely multi hour dates that took place entirely in hotel rooms (room service is a beautiful thing) but there is something so exciting about meeting at a restaurant. I think it's because first dates do not usually begin in hotel rooms, but they do often begin at a hostess table. I truly relish dates that feel as natural and organic as possible, and meeting for dinner and progressing to a more private venue later in the evening fosters that feeling of excitement and adds a delectable tension.

While I think all suitors regardless of companion experience benefit from such an introduction I think it is particularly helpful for newbies. Again this is due to the natural feeling and progression of the date, everyone's been on a first date right? You sort of know what to expect and hope to act, it's exciting but familiar enough where you won't be critically nervous. And as I have said before, more time, whether you dine out or stay in, lessens the power of the clock and helps raise the date from a service to a treasured experience. I think we can all agree that is a coveted outcome indeed!

 

Warmly,

Ava

Perfect Imperfections

This is a very personal subject for me, one that I never intended to discuss or disclose publicly, not because I'm ashamed in any way, because at the end of the day it's my business. However, as it has to do with my body and has been mentioned in a few reviews I feel it is best to clear the air, and touch on the question of vulnerability. 

I have a minor physical disability. I sustained a prenatal stroke that caused the motor skills, muscle and coordination of my right side to be slightly impaired. Please understand if you haven't met me the effects are not terribly obvious, I am fully ambulatory and use no braces, walkers, or other aids to get around. Most people who casually meet me have no idea, I've even had friends not realize until I mention it. I have chosen to disclose it here because, while it does not limit or take away from my ability to have fully enjoyable intimate experiences, it is apparent in intimate settings. I have never had a client tell me that my physicality  in any way detracted from the quality of their experience with me, most do not even mention it. Likely all you will notice should you meet me is that my right hand is sometimes at an odd angle. 

The other reason I wanted to talk about this is I think there is a perception that providers are perfect little fantasies wrapped in silk lingerie. Even though we all know we are human, sometimes men who contact me act in awe of the persona I portray virtually. And of course, due to the nature of our work we have to put our best foot forward and present the most alluring versions of ourselves. However the beauty I have found in this work, as I have touched on previously, is the vulnerabilities I have been privileged to see from others, and how accepting them enriches their lives. I think that's a two way street and hope that, as is often the case with allowing oneself to be vulnerable, it opens me up to love and support. My other hope is instead of marring the image of the intellectual pin up girl it makes her three dimensional.

 

-Ava

I've Grown Accustomed to My Face: Privilege, Stigma, and Sex Work

I did something in December casually that is anything but casual: I dyed my hair red and posted pictures of the change with something no one who hasn't met me has seen before. Showing my face was a gradual, thought out choice but the way that I did it might indicate otherwise. I would like to expand on the topic, as my reasons are not just related to me and my business.

When I decided to start escorting last February, I was intrigued but apprehensive. This apprehension had little to do with the job itself and everything to to with the social stigma and taboo surrounding it. I was faced with many doubts and questions. Should I tell anyone? If so who? Would this affect my ability to find a job in another field in the future? How would future potential long term partners view my choice? How would I keep myself safe? Notice the questions I wasn't asking. I wasn't wondering if I could be intimate with near strangers, or if the work would be degrading. I was unconcerned about the types of men who would come to see me, aside from concerns of practical safety I was soon to learn were relatively easy to assuage with proper screening. In other words I didn't have a problem with escorting, I was making society's assumptions about escorting my problem. As I began to pick up experiences in this world I was pleased to find that by and large, my positive assumptions were proved correct. I began to tell select loved ones and with a couple exceptions received overwhelming love and support.

Shame is a powerful currency, and the rise of the Intenet and social media as only increased its power. You don't have to run for high office to have your past as a sex worker hurt you professionally. Employers of teachers, doctors, lawyers, and most of corporate America can and will show you the door if they find out. This puts most sex workers, even in totally legal industries like porn, stripping, and camming, in the position of having to conceal what they do, regardless of their personal wishes and attitude towards their profession. Privilege is an oft tossed around term but its invisible walls soon became apparent: my race, socioeconomic background, age, body type, and education are all factors that influence the image I portray and the clients I attract. My future career aspirations fall outside the corporate 9 to 5 norm, which is one of the many reasons professional companionship is the ideal choice for me. Because I am unlikely to experience professional censure or consequences for showing my face I feel a responsibility to those who would be likely to experience negative repercussions for doing so. 

 

Sex workers in the United States are not just controlled by hostile laws, but by hostile social attitudes. One of the first things I realized when becoming a sex worker is how society at large dehumanizes sex workers ("You sell sex? You must not value yourself!") as well as clients ("You pay for sex? You monster!"), and this stigma creates a culture of secrecy and shame even among sex workers who are fulfilled by and proud of their work. There is so much I want to say, but as this is a blog post not a book for now let me leave you all with this: I try to live my life as if I live in the world I want, because otherwise how can I expect the world that is to change? In the world that I want sex workers are not shamed for showing their faces, barred from future employment, or dehumanized for doing one of the most enduring professions in human civilization. By showing my face I like to imagine I'm doing my small part to make that world a reality.   

-Ava

 

 

 

I'm on Squarespace now, Squarespace is cool!

Good morrow my lovelies (and lovers), if you are in Atlanta I hope you have plans to stay nice and dry. Clearly Zeus and Thor are having some kind of spat because it's thundering like mad outside right now. If you are somewhere sunny and warm right now I'm super jelly. 

I've been making a lot of changes recently and you may have (I hope!) noticed I got new photos. I love how they turned out, Alexa of Black Lotus does amazing work and I look forward to shooting with her again soon. However when I emailed my web developer about swapping out my photos (my layout doesn't allow me to do it myself) on my site pages for new ones she took a long time just to get back to me with a quote, and then said it would be up to a month to swap them out. One of her assistants quit and she seems quite overwhelmed, so I looked around and liked the flexibility of Squarespace. The CMS took a bit of getting used to (alas web design is not among my talents), but I really like how it turned out! I hope you all do too, be sure to let me know what you think in the comments or Twitter! I've reposted a couple old blog posts for funsies and am almost done with a new major post that addresses some of the highlights of my first year as a provider (my escortversary is this month). Please enjoy and stay tuned!

Ava

The Method to the Madness: New Minimum and Cancellation Policy Explained

Please note: this is an archived post from my old blog that I've reposted for enjoyment, I no longer offer hour dates period.


I began escorting in February 2015, and though I offered hour dates most of my clients scheduled longer than that. My very first client date was 3 hours and I was grateful we were able to chat over a glass of wine while getting comfortable. Can you imagine a young, educated but in many ways inexperienced woman who suffered from social anxiety as a kid deciding to become an escort? It's ludicrous. Or is it? 

The idea that introversion is an affliction of shyness and social awkwardness is a misnomer. Introverts often struggle with those things, but so do extroverts. Introversion/Extroversion, in the way christener of the concept Carl Jung applied the terms, refers to how an individual is socially energized. Extroverts are stimulated by their external world, introverts by their internal one. This is not to suggest that introverts do not enjoy people, simply that their preferred way of interacting with people is a different sort than social protocol usually facilitates. Thus that kind of interaction can be scarce. Even in personal situations such as going to a party or even Thanksgiving dinner it can be hard to break past polite small talk and truly get to know someone. What I love most about my work is that this veneer of social nicety gets stripped away, and the results are often breathtaking experiences.

So as an introvert, I thrive on intimate, deep connections. This is why I naturally gravitate towards GFE, I love making people feel emotionally secure and confident in themselves. I've found the gentlemen who come to see me don't want to talk about the weather, sports, or celebrities. They want to talk about their lives, passions, and opinions and want to learn about mine. With me, they don't have to be anyone but themselves and their needs and desires can be expressed freely without fear of judgement. Obviously physical pleasure is important, and I LOVE sex. Seriously, it blows my mind sometimes that I get to make a living having my mind blown ;) I believe that rich connections of the mind lead to fun adventures in the sack. 

 

I've found for me to be able to have and give these sorts of experiences, more time is necessary. This is particularly true if we have never met before. Therefore I am instating (actually reinstating with tweaks) a 90 minute date minimum for all first time clients. I have had first time hour encounters I've enjoyed immensely, but usually one of two things happens with hour dates: it goes wonderfully and is hard and awkward to finish on time, or I get gentlemen who I'm not the best fit for and would be better served finding a different provider. Neither situation is ideal, and as you can imagine the latter has lead to some less than awesome ones. Related to that, I've recently had some experiences that have prompted me to adopt a formal cancellation policy. My hope is by writing one it will rarely have to be implemented. I feel it is fair and demonstrates respect for my time and understanding for the circumstances life can create. I have also added a small fee for same day appointments with less than 6 hours notice. Lastly, I want to note I have adjusted my 90 minute rate, and I am happy to see established friends for an hour as well as friends of Taylor Morgan who wish to see us together. My goal is not to attract everyone who can pay for 90 minutes, but to ensure those who come to see me are seeking the same kind of connection I am. Thank you for reading this little rambling missive, I hope it sheds light on my reasoning behind these changes. 

Ava

Archived Post: Part Time Girlfriend Monthly Arrangements

Happy Sunday everyone, I hope you all are preparing your shopping lists or packing your bags in preparation for Thanksgiving. Or perhaps you are eschewing turkey in favor of pizza or sushi, I've done that in years past. It was awesome, 10/10 would recommend. I wanted to take the opportunity to highlight one of my favorite types of offerings: monthly and extended arrangements. 

Honestly I developed this concept out of my desire to reward and encourage lasting relationships with clients I legitimately enjoy spending time with. Contrary to what you may believe, I do not send a "I had a lovely time, thanks so much and I hope to see you again soon!" note after a date unless I truly want to see you again. Not every gentleman who sees me gets such a message. This isn't necessarily anyone's fault, sometimes people can be perfectly nice but just not click with you. I've been extremely spoiled by the vast majority of men who have chosen to spend time with me in that regard, but I do still get an "off" date on occasion. I feel bad when this happens, and if they ask to see me again I gently decline and try to suggest another companion who might suit them better. Anyway, back to my gentlemen callers I long to see more of: I wanted to create a way to thank you for how much I enjoy your company and support. And so the "Part Time Girlfriend" was born.

Imagine, if you will, a long grueling week at the office. You have a big project your team is behind on, your boss just quit, or you are trying to land a big account. You can't recall the last time you took ten minutes to yourself to relax and not think about work. But lo and behold! It's Friday night, and you have a date, a quiet night in with a lady whose sole focus will be on melting your stress and cares away for the entire evening. You pull up to my apartment, bottle of Malbec and take out in hand and get buzzed in. You take the steps up two at a time and find yourself in front of a familiar door. Standing there in a short, sheer red baby doll teddy and lacy stockings is Miss Ava Raleigh in the flesh. She warmly kisses you and invites you in, getting out the wine glasses and corkscrew. After the wine is poured you two sit on the couch and cuddle as you catch up from the previous week. You vent about work a little, but then Ava mentions an interesting article she read about Victorian nipple piercings (yep, this is really a thing) and soon enough work becomes but a faint memory. Your current reality is far more enjoyable, and you intend to relish every moment of it. As the night wears on, and the food and wine gets consumed, your world narrows down to a fair skinned young lady, insightful beyond her years and with enough passion to fill two lifetimes. As the evening wanes, she kisses you goodbye and you feel a pang of sadness. It dissipates though, as she smiles and wishers in your ear, "until next week, my darling."

To find out more about arrangements and how to make one, please go to my arrangements page

Until next time my lovlies,

Ava

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